Jackie Reinking New York Wedding Officiant

How to write your own vows

As a NYC officiantI have seen all types of complicated advice on how to write your own vows but in my world, I want to help you make it fun and as easy as possible.

Jackie, where do we start?

Most couples feel too much pressure to make their vows perfect! You want the impact of the perfect vow to last a lifetime. How about we just take a step back and turn down the pressure dial? Here’s the thing, you get to spend the rest of your life getting it right– the words, the emotions, the actions, the love.  How about making ‘a vow’ together to practice loving each other everyday? Besides, can love really be described with just words?

The truth is there is no right way to do it so have some fun finding your way.

new york celebrant jackie reinking

Memory Lane…

Here are few questions to get you started. After reading the question, take a mental note of the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t give yourself more than a minutes to flip through your thoughts. This shouldn’t be something to add stress but an exercise in feeling the joy of how much you absolutely adore this person you are marrying.

1 – What is something your partner did for you that made you feel special?

2 – Is there something about your partner that you never want to live without?

3 – Think back on the first time you said, ‘I love you’. Why was that the moment you had to say it?

How to Write Your Own Vows:

I find the easiest way to start is by making lists. Just use each phrase below to start and finish each sentence without thinking. Limit yourself to only a couple sentences per phrase. Then go to the next phrase and do the same thing.
  • I promise to …
  • I promise I will not…
  • I will always …
  • I love you because…
After you’ve finished jotting down ‘promises’ and ‘I love yous’ go back and circle the phrases that really make you smile. And, don’t be afraid to use humor or sarcasm if that’s what your relationship is about.  There are no rules on how long or short it has to be instead just consider what feels good to you. Now, while the smile is still fresh, write a short letter to your partner.

How to write your own vows

‘How to Write Your Own Vows’- Example:

Dear Sascha,

I love you 85 times to the moon and back. I love how much joy Christmas brings you and I love that you share that joy with me.  I promise to love you no matter how many Christmas ornaments you bring home.

I love you because you give me a reason to be better person every single day.

I promise we can watch Schalke soccer games or Ghostbusters anytime you want.

I am so lucky for every single minute of every single day that you are in my life.  Besides, there is no other person I would rather hang out with, laughing our way through life.

Thank you for for loving all of me and embracing my appreciation for taking naps.

All my heart and smiles,


There you have it, vows that represent some important heartfelt feelings. Now, I look at this and know there are things that are missing but just remember that every day you have together is another opportunity to show and acknowledge your feelings for one another. Your wedding vows are one of many opportunities to get it right.

Additional Inspiration:

My advice on the process of how to write your own vows is only one of many that you could use to get you started. Some couples read a poem to encompasses what they want to say. Some play a song. Some decide not to write their own vows at all instead ask me to create something for them.

Here are a couple other links to make sure you have a plethora of inspiration should this version not work.

The Knot – Vows

Minted – Romantic Wedding Vows

Pinterest – Searching Vows

How to write your own vows

If you have questions about ‘How to Write Your Own Vows’ and questions about getting married get in touch HERE, or give me a call or text at (646) 456-4555 or shoot me an email at JJReinking@gmail.com


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New York City Wedding Officiant & Celebrant


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